Sheep Wrangling

Picture this: you're running an eight kilometer Run for One. Open fields, blue skies, and lush greenery fill your eyes. You've never seen anything more beautiful. But you're also panting and sweating and dizzy, basically fighting for your life, as you have just run about 6 kilometers in a little over half an hour. You're almost reached the end, but your body just won't move forward. All hope is seemingly lost until you hear a little "MEH-EH-EH-EH" to your left. You notice a fuzzy sheep grazing on grass, dumb as a rock, and it hasn't noticed back. A stroke of genius hits you and think to yourself "why can't I get that sheep to carry me across the finish line…". But you have no idea on how to ride one. This is where this guide comes in!

Step one: The Approach

You want to make sure you sneak up to the sheep by the side and not the back. This is because if you close in on its behind, you risk getting your stomach pierced by its hind legs, which wouldn't be ideal in finishing your race. You need to stay quiet and calm so as to not scare the sheep away. Additionally, don't make any strange noises, movements, or poses as that would also scare away the sheep. You'd also look really weird too.

Step two: Pouncing

When you reach an acceptable distance from the sheep, leap towards its neck and hug onto it. The sheep's neck will act as your steering wheel, so get a good grip on it. Whilst you are in momentum, use your body's propulsion to swing your legs across the sheep's waist and lock on to it by squeezing with your legs. For the sheep's safety and your overall stability, make sure that your whole upper body is lying on the back of the sheep. If you sit directly on top of the sheep, you risk breaking its spine, which would annoy the local farmer and possibly land you in court.

Step three: Charge ahead

With the sheep startled by you mounting it, it will automatically be in drive. This means you don't have to worry about getting it to move. To steer the sheep to your chosen destination, lean to the direction you want it to move. For sharper turns, tug with a little more force using your arms. Think of it like driving a really fluffy motorbike. To make it go faster, shout louder in the sheep's ear. Sheep are prey animals and dramatically react to any stimulus. Be warned though, you won't be able to slow down so manage your speed well. To dismount, you only need to tumble to the side that seems softest and hope nothing is broken.

Easy right?

With that, you are now adequately prepared to speed ahead on your noble steed and launch yourself to victory. Have fun with the sheep, but just make sure the farmer doesn't catch you afterwards.